Can you have a career and a successful marriage?

Filed in archive Matters of heart on August 27, 2006

In an article for Forbes Magazine "Don't marry career women" Michael Noer writes that marrying a woman with a healthy and successful career means that the man will be unhappy, the kids will be neglected, the house dirty and that there won't be any warm food on the table. And yes, that these marriages are bound to get divorced because the wife will cheat with some Apollo-like male she meets working. Noer states:

In 2004, John H. Johnson examined data from the Survey of Income and Program Participation and concluded that gender has a significant influence on the relationship between work hours and increases in the probability of divorce. Women's work hours consistently increase divorce, whereas increases in men's work hours often have no statistical effect. "I also find that the incidence in divorce is far higher in couples where both spouses are working than in couples where only one spouse is employed," Johnson says. A few other studies, which have focused on employment (as opposed to working hours) have concluded that working outside the home actually increases marital stability, at least when the marriage is a happy one. But even in these studies, wives' employment does correlate positively to divorce rates, when the marriage is of "low marital quality."

In this manner Michael Noear managed to make career women a dirty word, but thanks to the goddess, we know better don't we? I have tons of friends who have their own businesses or work at executive positions in big companies and have successful marriages and kids on top. But it takes for both sides to work on marriage.

As we do our best to keep looking attractive while browsing through tons of paper work and still finding time to check the kid's homework, our men should do the same, as well as cook a meal, care for laundry needs, pay the bills or go to PTA meetings. Is it too much to ask for?

So my dear Michael, it's time for men to change, instead of whine about their miserable lives. I know your species had a blast during the long long time when women were forced to stay at home and attend to all your needs, but come on, you have to start taking some responsibility for your life, your marriage and your kids in order to live in the today's world. As the counterpoint article "Don't Marry A Lazy Man" written by Elizabeth Corcoran, says:

In two-career couples, Michael frets, there's less specialization in the marriage, so supposedly the union becomes less useful to either party. Look more closely, Mike! Any long-running marriage is packed full of carefully developed--and charmingly offsetting--areas of expertise.

What do you think? Are you going to say goodbye to your career for the sake of your marriage or are you just going to make it work by doing the best you can, the both of you?